hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
