Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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