Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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