I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize