I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
