I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
