My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
babies were throwing up all over the place
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
