put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
