I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
