I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
