just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
