My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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