Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
