It was confusing and full of hummus
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
