He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
