I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
