question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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