my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
