She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
