i just had sex bonerless
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
