Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
