he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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