Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
