i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
