Will you blow on my dice?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i came on her dog
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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