I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
