ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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