the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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