at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
