I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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