Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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