so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize