Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
