Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I came so hard my ears popped.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
