She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
