I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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