the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
