I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
