Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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