FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize
