The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
