I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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