I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
