oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize