omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
