Sry I called you an 8
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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