I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
