In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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