No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
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