you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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