Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize