Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
