Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
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