the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
