hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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