Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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