Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I could make wine with my vomit
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
