youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize