The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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