Where did you get a picture of my penis
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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