do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
