so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
