May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
