Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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