Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
