i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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