you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
