I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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