Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
