we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
